This past Sunday night I caved to the pressures of the calendar and preached a Valentine’s-Day-inspired sermon on love.  The quintessential biblical passage on love is, of course, I Cor. 13.  So that’s where we parked things for the evening.

I covered the entire chapter by dividing it into three sections, each relating to the theme of ‘What Love Makes.”

Here’s the sermon audio:

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And here’s a rough sketch of my outline:

Love is What Makes the Difference (I Cor. 13:1-3)

• In what we say
• In what we know and believe
• In what we give and are willing to sacrifice

Love is What Makes for Unity (I Cor. 13:4-7)

• Consider the 14 or so different ways that Paul describes what love is and what it is not, what it does and doesn’t do.
• I referred to this section as the perfect ingredients for the perfect recipe that makes for unity among the people of God.

Love is What Makes it to the End (I Cor. 13:8-13)

• Here Paul delineates between two phases of Christian existence: the here and the hereafter.
• Prophecies, tongues and knowledge—they will fade away and no longer be necessary.
• But not love—it will be around forever.

Dr. Richard Mayhue contributed an excellent little chapter called “The Pastor’s Home”  in the book, Rediscovering Pastoral Ministry, edited by John MacArthur.

He writes that,

“Without the strength of my home, I would never have made it through twenty years of ministry.  My marriage and my family provide me a home where I can:

1. retreat—get away from the pressures
2. relax—enjoy a different environment
3. recharge—gain a new supply of energy
4. relate—enjoy my wife and children
5. rehabilitate—heal the wounds
6. reach out—to neighbors, friends, and flock
7. research—uninterrupted study/writing
8. raise a family—children and grandchildren
9. ripen—grow in God’s grace
10. rejoice—praise the Lord
11. reflect—quiet moments to contemplate
12. reinvest—in my grandchildren
13. regain perspective—in prayer and Scripture”

Mayhue closes this section by saying that,

“When I leave the fair haven nof my home for ministry, I depart in strength, not weakness.”

What a wonderful description and goal for all of us who minister.  Can you think of any other things that a godly, peaceful home can supply and accomplish in a pastor’s life?

Back in June I wrote up a few tips on how to get out of the doghouse.  It was inspired by a JCPenney’s advertising campaign.  Here’s JCPenney’s latest installment in this series.  Funny.

DISCLAIMER #1 — I am not currently in the doghouse.  If ever I have been, you must know that I probably deserved it (9.9876 out of 10 times, I do) and it didn’t last very long because my sweet, precious wife forgave me quickly and mercifully.

DISCLAIMER #2 — This post is intended for two distinct audiences: men and women.  To the men, be helped.  To the women, be amused.  To both, enjoy!

Gentlemen, we’ve all been there—the doghouse.  Sigh.

Some of us, fortunately, have not spent a great deal of time there.  For others, however, the doghouse has become a place of nearly permanent residence.  I don’t what you may have done to get there.  It’s not that important.  What’s important is that you get out—learn from your mistakes and get the heck out of there.

Here are ten simple words of wisdom for the man who finds himself in the doghouse.

1. Be Quiet—No, you don’t have to talk about it.  When she’s ready, she’ll talk and then you’re out.
2. Be Sweet—Never, ever, ever believe the lie that you can make your own doghouse and turn this thing around.  Just stay put and be sweet.
3. Be Helpful—Do stuff.  Wash, fold, and put away clothes.  Tidy up the kitchen.  Make the bed.  Even if it seems like its not working, it is.  You’ve just got to believe.
4. Be Holy—The doghouse is a great place to seek God.  Pray for your marriage.  Read the Bible.  Make sure to get your priorities straight.  “Seek first the kingdom…” (Matt. 6:33)
5. Be Smart—Don’t do anything stupid.  The doghouse can be a crazy place.  As such, it can cause you to do some crazy stuff. Don’t, though.  Be smart.  Resist.
6. Be Quick—to apologize and admit wrongdoing.  You are in the doghouse.  You probably did something wrong.  Even if you don’t know what it is, apologize!
7. Be Patient—It’ll happen.  You’ll get out of that place soon enough.  Your wife loves you, she’s just mad.  Patience is a virtue, right?  So be virtuous.
8. Be Ready—You’re wife will let out of the doghouse.  I’ve seen it with my own two eyes.  It really happens!  When it does, be ready.  Don’t let your hurt feelings and defensive nature keep you from getting out when she’s ready.
9. Be Sorry—If you did something wrong (and you probably did), don’t let the fact that you’re in the doghouse and mad about it keep you from being remorseful for what you did.  Apologize.  Seriously.
10. Be Open—Try and get outside of your own thoughts.  Don’t limit your perspective just because you’re upset.  Maybe when you see things from her perspective you’ll understand why you’re in the doghouse.

Happy Anniversary to the Luther’s!

Did you know that on this day in Christian history, June 13, 1525, the German reformer, Martin Luther, was married to former nun, Katherine von Bora?  It’s true, or so at least reports Christianity Today’s church history website.  The Luther’s had six children together and remained married for 21 years until Martin’s death in 1546.  If they were still alive, today would be their 484th anniversary.  Happy anniversary!

To commemorate this special occasion I’d like to offer up 5 lessons that I’ve learned about married life during my two full months as a husband.  Granted, two months is not a great deal of time, so I claim neither to be an authority on the subject nor that my thoughts are completely original.  Instead, I only hope to give you the assurance that these are simple observations from an honest man.  I hope you enjoy.

5 Lessons Learned in 2 Months of Marriage

Before you read the list of lessons learned, a few qualifications are in order.  First of all, this is not a list of things to use in order to get yourself out of trouble.  If you only do something nice for someone in order to get yourself out of trouble, or even if you’re doing it in order to prevent future trouble, it really takes something out of it.  In order to get the most bang for your buck out of this list you need to help create an atmosphere where the following five things take place as a part of the norm.  And no, acts of appeasement, sacrificial offerings, and all other sorts of “nice” things performed as acts of prevention do not count.

Secondly, this list only directly applies to the relationship I have with my wife.  It may not work for you with yours. All situations are different.  Case in point, some wives would love the treat of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich as a late night snack.  Others, however, might die from such a gesture due to peanut allergies or lactose intolerance. What’s important is that you know your wife well enough to discern what your list of 5 things should look like.  In order to be the real thing, every list needs to be tailor-made.

Thirdly, here’s the list of five lessons.  Because my list and explanations wound up being a bit long-winded, I fear that many of you wouldn’t take the time to read this entire post.  So for those of you who don’t want to read the whole thing, here’s the short version:

1. Wash the dishes some of the time and take out the trash all of the time.
2. Don’t watch a scary movie with your wife late at night…or perhaps ever.
3. There’s something special about a fresh bouquet of flowers.
4. Nobody’s perfect, so don’t expect or demand perfection.
5. Spend time in prayer together everyday.

Now for those of you who are really ready to learn, here’s the long version.  It’s the same list as above, but with commentary added.  So without further ado, and also without qualifying my points to death (which I’m prone to do), here are the five lessons I’ve learned in two months of marriage:

1. Wash the dishes some of the time and take out the trash all of the time.
   Washing the dishes is one of those things that no one wants to do, but everyone has to.  Lesson learned: a clean kitchen makes for a wife that feels loved by her husband.  Gentlemen, this is not a one night stand kind of chore.  Anyone can do dishes once, but can you keep the kitchen clean for a solid week?  Or month?  That’s something she’ll appreciate.
   
   Trash is gross.  Everybody knows it too.  It smells bad.  Sometimes it leaks.  Often it’s heavy and awkward too, especially if it the bag begins to rip or tear.  Gentlemen, our wives are precious.  If we can help it at all, let’s work hard to keep them from having to do gross stuff like taking out the trash.
2. Don’t watch a scary movie with your wife late at night…or perhaps ever.
   Last night we tried to watch the movie, The Mothman Prophecies, before we went to bed.  It was about 9:30pm when we put it in the DVD player.  BAD IDEA!  It wasn’t 15 minutes into the film and my wife was scared to death.  Granted, it’s a pretty spooky film in a very X-Files type of way.  So we turned off the movie.  Not only that, but to get the scariness off of her mind we had to watch something more light-hearted.  Enter Adam Sandler’s, The Waterboy.  Worked like a charm!
   
   Gentlemen, its our job to protect our wives.  Part of that protection involves psychological well-being.  Even if its something silly like being scared because of a movie, if our wives are genuinely scared, it’s up to us to calm their fears.  Safety, protection, welfare, peace—these are some of the greatest things in which we’ve been entrusted to provide for our wives.  We’re responsible to provided them with this on many different levels too. Emotional, financial, physical, spiritual, etc.  Let’s not take this responsibility lightly.
3. There’s something special about a fresh bouquet of flowers.
   My wife loves flowers.  Most girls do.  Her entire demeanor lifts whenever there’s a fresh bouquet in the room.  They don’t have to be expensive.  There doesn’t have to be a reason.  They just need to be flowers and they need to be pretty.  We can do this for them.  Once a week, twice a month, I don’t know what schedule you can afford. I do know that most Wal-Mart’s have flowers near one of their main entrances.  And they’re only like $10 for the nice ones. Case in point: next time you go to Wal-Mart buy your wife some flowers.
   
   Whether its flowers, makeup, clothes, or interior decorations, women like pretty stuff.  They like to be pretty.  They like buy pretty.  They like to be around things that are pretty.  Gentlemen, don’t neglect the prettiness of your wives.  Let them be pretty.  We could complain and say things like, “No, I don’t want our bedspread to have a bunch of flowers on it!”  But if our wives like it, and it’s pretty, we should be more understanding.  I’ve seen guys who nearly turn their own wives into men with the stubbornness they display in opposition to things that their wives think are pretty.  Guys, let your wives be pretty.
4. Nobody’s perfect, so don’t expect or demand perfection.
   You’ve heard said a million time before, I’m sure, “Nobody’s perfect.”  You’ve probably even said it yourself.  Do you practice what you preach, though.  Oftentimes the people we’re the least patient with are those with whom we spend the most of our time.  This sadly is the case within some marriages.  Remembering and accounting for the imperfections that exist on both sides of the marriage equation has been one of the greatest assets to the success of my marriage thus far.
   
   Gentlemen, whether we realize it or not, sometimes we expect absolute perfection out of our wives.  Whenever they do something we don’t like and we, in turn, get short with them, what we’re essentially saying is, “How dare you do something I don’t like?  I expect and demand that you be perfect.  If not, then I’m going to wine and pout about it until you do differently.”  Sometimes, it’ me that’s having a bad day and in a crummy mood.  Other times, however, it’s her.  What’s the worst is when it’s both of us at the same time.  It usually helps to remember the fallenness within which we both have equal shares.
5. Spend time in prayer together every day.
   As Christians, our faith is not placed within ourselves.  It is placed elsewhere—namely, with God in Christ.  The worst thing we could ever do, gentlemen, is to be hypocrites within our own homes.  We pray and teach and sing and encourage when we’re at church, but hardly ever do the same while we’re at home with our wives.
   
   Let me encourage you to spend time every day praying with your wife—and I don’t just mean right before you eat.  My wife and I pray together every night before we go to bed.  It’s a time when, as a family, we remind ourselves of what our lives are really about.  It’s a time when, as a couple, we remember that God is the most important priority.  It’s a time, gentlemen, when we show our wives what were really made of spiritually.  Don’t be a hypocrite.  Pray with your wife!

This list is obviously not exhaustive, but it is sincere.  I hope you enjoyed it.  Better yet, for you guys out there, I hope you take my example and run with it.  Make a similar list for your wife based on what you’ve observed within your own marriage.

Did I forget anything?  What should have made it on my list.  Somebody help a brother out.  Comments, please.

Here is a pictorial walk-thru of mine and Lauren’s brand spankin’ new town home which is located right in the smack-dab middle of downtown Mobile, AL. Enjoy!

P.S. The pics in this slideshow will be up on Lauren’s Facebook page some time tomorrow.

Lauren and I had to make the trip over to Mobile to run, oh, a million or so little errands.  We checked out the some of USA’s campus last night.  Here’s some footage of where we think she’ll be spending most of her time.  Enjoy.

Brief Campus Tour from Deek Dubberly on Vimeo.

Here’s me and Lauren checking out three places on the campus of the University of South Alabama: 1) the library; 2) the medical school; and 3) the NEW medical school (or, at least, what we think is the new medical school). Enjoy.

Did I mention that I recently got married?  Well I did.  Thank God nothing like this happened:

We have a couple of photos from the wedding.  Who knows when the rest will be available, but for now here are two to enjoy.

Our photos were done by Lindsi Jones of Nashville, GA.  Check out her work at lindsi.com.  Especially good (wink) are the engagement session pics she did of a guy and girl you may know.  See those here.

Lauren and I spent our honeymoon in sunny Fernandina Beach, Fl, on Amelia Island.  Some friends of ours were generous enough to loan us their condo unit for the week.  We had an absolutely fantastic week!
Honeymoonin’ Snaps from Amelia Island from Deek Dubberly on Vimeo.

Lauren and I were married on April 11th, 2009. We spent the entire next week at the beach! Some friends of ours were generous enough to loan us their condo unit free of charge and we had a week together that I do believe will be remembered for the rest of our lives!

Here’s a little slideshow that we put together to show friends and family at our wedding rehearsal dinner, which took place on Friday evening, April 10, 2009, at 7:30pm.

Deek and Lauren’s Rehearsal Dinner (slideshow) from Deek Dubberly on Vimeo.

This was a slide-show that Lauren and I showed at our rehearsal dinner. It features pictures of both of us from various periods in our lives.

Here’s a nice shot of me and my brand new, beautiful bride, Lauren McKinnon Dubberly. Well, it’s not actually a shot of us - more like our shadows, but the ocean is perfect…and relaxing.

I’ll be getting married in slightly less than a week.  To say I am excited would be quite an understatement!  Below are some of my recommendations for books on marriage.  Any thoughts on other books that need to join my amazon carousel of fun?