Happy Anniversary to the Luther’s!

Did you know that on this day in Christian history, June 13, 1525, the German reformer, Martin Luther, was married to former nun, Katherine von Bora?  It’s true, or so at least reports Christianity Today’s church history website.  The Luther’s had six children together and remained married for 21 years until Martin’s death in 1546.  If they were still alive, today would be their 484th anniversary.  Happy anniversary!

To commemorate this special occasion I’d like to offer up 5 lessons that I’ve learned about married life during my two full months as a husband.  Granted, two months is not a great deal of time, so I claim neither to be an authority on the subject nor that my thoughts are completely original.  Instead, I only hope to give you the assurance that these are simple observations from an honest man.  I hope you enjoy.

5 Lessons Learned in 2 Months of Marriage

Before you read the list of lessons learned, a few qualifications are in order.  First of all, this is not a list of things to use in order to get yourself out of trouble.  If you only do something nice for someone in order to get yourself out of trouble, or even if you’re doing it in order to prevent future trouble, it really takes something out of it.  In order to get the most bang for your buck out of this list you need to help create an atmosphere where the following five things take place as a part of the norm.  And no, acts of appeasement, sacrificial offerings, and all other sorts of “nice” things performed as acts of prevention do not count.

Secondly, this list only directly applies to the relationship I have with my wife.  It may not work for you with yours. All situations are different.  Case in point, some wives would love the treat of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich as a late night snack.  Others, however, might die from such a gesture due to peanut allergies or lactose intolerance. What’s important is that you know your wife well enough to discern what your list of 5 things should look like.  In order to be the real thing, every list needs to be tailor-made.

Thirdly, here’s the list of five lessons.  Because my list and explanations wound up being a bit long-winded, I fear that many of you wouldn’t take the time to read this entire post.  So for those of you who don’t want to read the whole thing, here’s the short version:

1. Wash the dishes some of the time and take out the trash all of the time.
2. Don’t watch a scary movie with your wife late at night…or perhaps ever.
3. There’s something special about a fresh bouquet of flowers.
4. Nobody’s perfect, so don’t expect or demand perfection.
5. Spend time in prayer together everyday.

Now for those of you who are really ready to learn, here’s the long version.  It’s the same list as above, but with commentary added.  So without further ado, and also without qualifying my points to death (which I’m prone to do), here are the five lessons I’ve learned in two months of marriage:

1. Wash the dishes some of the time and take out the trash all of the time.
   Washing the dishes is one of those things that no one wants to do, but everyone has to.  Lesson learned: a clean kitchen makes for a wife that feels loved by her husband.  Gentlemen, this is not a one night stand kind of chore.  Anyone can do dishes once, but can you keep the kitchen clean for a solid week?  Or month?  That’s something she’ll appreciate.
   
   Trash is gross.  Everybody knows it too.  It smells bad.  Sometimes it leaks.  Often it’s heavy and awkward too, especially if it the bag begins to rip or tear.  Gentlemen, our wives are precious.  If we can help it at all, let’s work hard to keep them from having to do gross stuff like taking out the trash.
2. Don’t watch a scary movie with your wife late at night…or perhaps ever.
   Last night we tried to watch the movie, The Mothman Prophecies, before we went to bed.  It was about 9:30pm when we put it in the DVD player.  BAD IDEA!  It wasn’t 15 minutes into the film and my wife was scared to death.  Granted, it’s a pretty spooky film in a very X-Files type of way.  So we turned off the movie.  Not only that, but to get the scariness off of her mind we had to watch something more light-hearted.  Enter Adam Sandler’s, The Waterboy.  Worked like a charm!
   
   Gentlemen, its our job to protect our wives.  Part of that protection involves psychological well-being.  Even if its something silly like being scared because of a movie, if our wives are genuinely scared, it’s up to us to calm their fears.  Safety, protection, welfare, peace—these are some of the greatest things in which we’ve been entrusted to provide for our wives.  We’re responsible to provided them with this on many different levels too. Emotional, financial, physical, spiritual, etc.  Let’s not take this responsibility lightly.
3. There’s something special about a fresh bouquet of flowers.
   My wife loves flowers.  Most girls do.  Her entire demeanor lifts whenever there’s a fresh bouquet in the room.  They don’t have to be expensive.  There doesn’t have to be a reason.  They just need to be flowers and they need to be pretty.  We can do this for them.  Once a week, twice a month, I don’t know what schedule you can afford. I do know that most Wal-Mart’s have flowers near one of their main entrances.  And they’re only like $10 for the nice ones. Case in point: next time you go to Wal-Mart buy your wife some flowers.
   
   Whether its flowers, makeup, clothes, or interior decorations, women like pretty stuff.  They like to be pretty.  They like buy pretty.  They like to be around things that are pretty.  Gentlemen, don’t neglect the prettiness of your wives.  Let them be pretty.  We could complain and say things like, “No, I don’t want our bedspread to have a bunch of flowers on it!”  But if our wives like it, and it’s pretty, we should be more understanding.  I’ve seen guys who nearly turn their own wives into men with the stubbornness they display in opposition to things that their wives think are pretty.  Guys, let your wives be pretty.
4. Nobody’s perfect, so don’t expect or demand perfection.
   You’ve heard said a million time before, I’m sure, “Nobody’s perfect.”  You’ve probably even said it yourself.  Do you practice what you preach, though.  Oftentimes the people we’re the least patient with are those with whom we spend the most of our time.  This sadly is the case within some marriages.  Remembering and accounting for the imperfections that exist on both sides of the marriage equation has been one of the greatest assets to the success of my marriage thus far.
   
   Gentlemen, whether we realize it or not, sometimes we expect absolute perfection out of our wives.  Whenever they do something we don’t like and we, in turn, get short with them, what we’re essentially saying is, “How dare you do something I don’t like?  I expect and demand that you be perfect.  If not, then I’m going to wine and pout about it until you do differently.”  Sometimes, it’ me that’s having a bad day and in a crummy mood.  Other times, however, it’s her.  What’s the worst is when it’s both of us at the same time.  It usually helps to remember the fallenness within which we both have equal shares.
5. Spend time in prayer together every day.
   As Christians, our faith is not placed within ourselves.  It is placed elsewhere—namely, with God in Christ.  The worst thing we could ever do, gentlemen, is to be hypocrites within our own homes.  We pray and teach and sing and encourage when we’re at church, but hardly ever do the same while we’re at home with our wives.
   
   Let me encourage you to spend time every day praying with your wife—and I don’t just mean right before you eat.  My wife and I pray together every night before we go to bed.  It’s a time when, as a family, we remind ourselves of what our lives are really about.  It’s a time when, as a couple, we remember that God is the most important priority.  It’s a time, gentlemen, when we show our wives what were really made of spiritually.  Don’t be a hypocrite.  Pray with your wife!

This list is obviously not exhaustive, but it is sincere.  I hope you enjoyed it.  Better yet, for you guys out there, I hope you take my example and run with it.  Make a similar list for your wife based on what you’ve observed within your own marriage.

Did I forget anything?  What should have made it on my list.  Somebody help a brother out.  Comments, please.